From Random Conversations

Sitting at a Buger King out in Aikahi my good buddy Justin asks me, why so down? What's bothing you? I couldn't explain what it was that i was feeling. Newly appointed to take on a task greater than myself and battling with the overload of my mundane paper load every Monday to Friday, I was trying to find the right description to express what I was feeling. I had to dig deep in a matter of seconds to sort out the mixture of feelings that swelled inside.

For that split second I realized that it wasn't the paper overload or the overwhelming task that I took on, rather the yearning to be in company intimately with a companion. I expressed to him that my alter ego, the dillusional image of myself, what Krishna calls the fake self, has been pounding at door. The heart breaker self, the dark side of myself who wrecks havoc, endless tears have been shed at this side of me. I am not proud of it but I can feel her coming onto me in my vulnerable stage, at the brink of my prime. But I am in control I tell Justin, I have just gained the reigns from my alter ego and that was not an easy process.
That is when he tells me "the heart is the most precious thing. You have to wield it right. Wield it wrong and it will kill you." That hit home, and I was humbled. I took a deep breathe and said to myself "I run me. The only person to say otherwise is my creator, the unfathomable and divine being who speaks to me in my dreams and prayers."
I am blessed to have friends of true nature. Justin puts all other aside and cousels me in the right, regardless of the nature of my intent. He advises me in the right as my friends do. He goes on to say that i will find that one person that will help me forget about my past, someone who in their own ways, unintentionally, will answer all the questions and doubts that I have about love, God will speak to you through that person. I was tearing up, my worries temporarily put to ease.
Everyone goes through heart ache. My wrecklessness led to many broken hearts and tears and I am sorry to all who I've hurt. In the end I ended up being the one left distraught and hurt. Karma stacked against me and I fell hard and almost didn't recover. But God has been merciful to me to grant me the one thing I took careless advantage of, true friendship. I am still learning and yes I have learned a valuable lesson to know what not to do. Thanks Justin. Also thanks Rei and Dusty for sticking it through with me. I love you guys!